In December, 2018, My mother turned to me and told me I would be a great writer someday. It completely broke my heart.
It was such a wonderful compliment, but one that has been weighing heavily on me. My mother told me this from her hospital bed following yet another surgery. Two years earlier, we spent the holiday season in a similar manner-- late nights by her hospital bed, my sisters, father and I taking turns vying for her undivided attention, or maybe taking turns to step out for some fresh air and a clear mind. It was stage 1 breast cancer then, she was soon declared cancer free, until December 2018. Now stage 4 breast cancer, metastasized in her brain, my mother was turning to me with a smile saying I would be a great writer one day. She was smiling, but I could hear the crack in her voice that indicated she wouldn’t be here for that some day.
My mom is a writer. She studied English in college and wrote her master’s thesis as a series of poems.I didn’t know this until recently when I sat with her and asked her to read to me on one particularly rainy day. I knew she had spent time as a secretary, some kind of clerical writer, then a professor, then a freelance editor of sorts, then a ghost writer of sorts. The list goes on, she was a do-it-aller. She has a whimsical, spiritual mind.
Now, I don’t know what boxes you have to check to be declared a “writer,” but waiting for someday won’t do any good and frankly, I don’t have time to waste. My mom didn’t say that out of nowhere-- my eight-year-old self would chime in heck yeah mom I’m going to take the fashion world by storm by writing about everything shiny and pretty! I went to college knowing I wanted to write, but I didn’t know how, and maybe one too many essays later I left that by the wayside. Now a communications major on the rise to do god-knows what I’ve learned through love and loss and one identity crisis after another to take things one day at a time. So, here’s a blog, who knows how it will turn out but you gotta start somewhere, you gotta start writing somehow.